A Worthy Passion

A Worthy Passion

These last eight years have brought me through more circumstances, changes, trials, joys, struggles, emotions, confusions and despairs than I even could have imagined.  I have come through it, changed. I am not who I was when our trek to Togo began eight years ago. This has left me wondering, who am I ? Why am I here? What am I supposed to do? Why?  Confusion.

I suppose confusion isn’t such a bad thing.  It causes us to search. The good news is that for the Spirit in-dwelt Christian, we are are not alone in this search.  We have the Spirit leading us, through Jesus, to God, and in the end we will understand. How I long to understand. How often have I prayed in these past years, “God help me to see from your perspective.” God I want to see how you see.  

Experiencing Togo through fleshly eyes is awful. I hate staring poverty in the face, full-on. Gazing at deformity, homelessness, hunger, disease, and worst of all hopelessness.   When I look through eyes of flesh all this creates is despair, questions...searching.  When I began the trek to Togo I was full of hope that somehow God could use me.  I was full of passion to work for the souls of Togo. I was filled with ideas, exited emotion, confidence.  But now, I feel as though all these are gone. And worst of all, I feel no passion. 

What is worth being passionate about? No ministry, no service, no amount of work and energy will ever be able to alleviate the pain in the lives of the people around me. I cannot spend my life living passionately for a ministry purpose because every ministry effort falls short. It will disappoint my hopes.  It will thwart my expectation. It will wreak havoc on my emotions, leaving me raw. And at the end of the day when I am a mess on the inside from experiencing the messiness of ministry there is still a million lifetimes worth of ministry to do in order accomplish what the flesh eye tells me needs to be done. Failure. 

So why bother? When any work I try to be part of will fail me and I will fail it. Why bother?  What can I live and work for that will not fail me? What can I live and work for that will succeed even though I fall woefully short of what it takes to succeed. To what end can I give myself fully every day knowing that what I have to give is enough. What is worthy of giving myself to? 

This is where searching and confusion has brought me. 

There is one answer. One thing that says that I am enough and the end product is glorious. One thing that is worthy of being my life’s work.

This is the Glory of God.  

Oh God, fill every part of me with a passion for nothing but your glory!  Help me to see the world from your perspective. Help me to see how all things can give you glory when they are redeemed! Every messy ministry, disease, hungry belly, death, deformity, homeless family, and hopeless situation. Only this can fill every ugly, sin stained life and still be perfect and worth living for. Only this can be my passion and never disappoint.

The Glory of God!